- "I don't want to find out if I'm good at the Heimlich Maneuver tonight."
- "I think your tooth went into my skull."
- "Hey mom and dad! Lydia said her first word today! She said it with her head, like this." < nods >
- "I'm the ice cream man. I sell pizza, ice cream, sprinkles and formula for babies. But I'm out of ice cream, so here's your pizza with sprinkles."
- "If she didn't have that monkey under her butt, she could roll over."
- "Let's make a circus. I'll be the ringmaster, you and Lydia can be the clowns, and Daddy can be the ostrich."
- "I think she has rice up her nose."
And my personal favorite, which is this week's Brutally Honest Bumper Sticker:
- "Stop trying to pretend this is normal."